Bringing up couples therapy…it can be like diffusing a bomb: say one wrong word and you may inadvertently trigger a war. However, this critical conversation can also be the glue that holds you together when handled properly.
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Do not use the word therapy during or immediately after an argument. Pick a time when you both are calm, relaxed and have some privacy. Much better to set the tone over Sunday morning coffee, or while out for a quiet evening walk than after an argument about dirty socks on Tuesday night.
Phrasing
Replace: “You never listen,” or, “We gotta go to therapy!” with “I feel like we are not getting through to sit down and have a conversation,” or -“Lets try that together.” It helps to reframe therapy not as some fix of someone’s flaws but team work. For Couples Counselling Cheltenham, visit https://www.cheltenhamcounsellor.co.uk/couples-counselling-cheltenham/
Focus on Growth, Not Problems
Frame therapy as a means to promote healthier relationships, not just managing crises. Using language such as “We’re really bad at talking” instead of something more constructive like, “I would love for us to communicate better.”
Acknowledge Their Feelings
Plan on some pushback and make it permissible. I understand that this sounds scary or like I am blaming our relationship in some way, but it isn’t. Let them process this information and do not expect an immediate “yes.”
Suggest Research Together
Recommend finding a therapist, looking together for one from sources including online reviews and establishing that as your decision. This inclusive work style eliminates the perception that they are being told what to do with therapy.
Don’t forget, you are not working to win this conversation… You do so with the hope of creating a new pathway for future dialogue.